יום ג Date: 21 Shevat, 5775 (2/10/15) – Kesuvos#8 {Eliezer}

FRIENDLY LOVERS

[8a top] Gemarah: The 6th Blessing (out of 7) given to the Chosson (groom) and Kallah (bride) at the wedding mentions that they should be “Rei’im” (friends) and “Ahuvim” (lovers).
R’ Shechter: There must be a relationship between a husband and wife every single day of the month. Just because they are not physically intimate for two weeks out of a month, that does not mean they are not close. Even when they are not “lovers” in their bedroom, they must remain the closest and best of “friends.”

D-E-ep Thoughts: We must learn how to focus on OTHER people in relationships. It is not just about getting what WE want, but truly about GIVING to our partners (our other halves). Niddah laws (separation from a wife while she has her period and then waiting seven clean days) are actually wonderful blessings which teach couples how to interact on intellectual and spiritual levels without getting lost in the physicality (besides, it also renews and keeps fresh the excitement each month!). This is also exactly how our relationship with Hashem must be (focused on serving Him and not just asking for what we want, as well as keeping the awe great and not becoming too lax or familiar with our Creator). May we always keep proper perspectives and be blessed with wonderful relationships.

REKINDLING CONNECTIONS

[8a top] Gemarah: “Yotzer Ha’adam” (the creation of man) is mentioned twice, because originally G-d created the two people (Adam and Chavah) as one. Baalei Mussar: G-d created Man and Woman as One unit first (before He ‘split’ them in two), because sometimes people are so different that they would never get married. But since they were once one being (and one soul), when they come back together (physically and spiritually) in marriage it is only a RE-acquaintance of a previous union (which makes it actually work). R’ Rosner: We are all taught the entire Torah by an angel while in the womb, but as we come out we forget it all. This is that same idea, that since we have that memory, that spark, deep down inside, it only needs to get re-ignited.

D-E-ep Thoughts#2: It should be so easy to want to help and do for our spouses and to love them as much as we love ourselves because they actually ARE ourselves (and we are literally helping ourselves!). Hashem designs the world in ways where have to look around to find the missing pieces of the puzzle, but they are all there. May we all work to master what we already know deep down inside and find ourselves to connect to our Oneness in our other halves and G-d’s creation at large.